It’s 9.00am and I’m on the District line. I need to get to my 2 year old daughters appointment for 10.30. Sounds like a simple errand on a to do list right?
Well it’s not….
What i forgot to mention is that I’m 8 months pregnant and I’m going from Barking to Earl’s court which is 20 something frigging stops!! Why do i do this to myself …. I need a car!
My bag is loaded with SOS supplies… in other words my two year olds fave doll , her snacks, peppa pig books , her bubble mixture and her kindle packed with Peppa pig episodes … basically anything that i could use to distract her throughout this 1hr tube ride.
At the moment we’re all good . She in her buggy asleep and innocent and I’m thinking about my next spa trip I’ve planned. My thoughts get side tracked by a whininng noise, I look around the tube to see where it’s coming from..
The noise is followed by a mumbled ‘Mmm mummy ‘… i look down into the buggy … SHIT ! shes awake!
I try not to panic … I’ve practise these moments so many times … I give her a big smile ‘ hey baby girl u awake now .. you want some water?’
She says nothing with tired eyes and a dry mouth.. I give her her sippy cup and she takes a sip.
I look up to see how many stop we have left. it’s only been 4 stops … So 20 more to go. God give me strength!
She loves watching the outside world from inside the train… Bright skies, birds, airplanes … graffiti covered walls ‘how do they do that?’
All of a sudden its gone Pitch black !… we’ve gone underground …. and shit hits the fan!
She starts crying! she throws her sippy cup on the floor…( don’t worry zee you’ve prepared for this) i get the kindle out and play Peppa pig… she’s now happy and smiling .. 1-0 to Mummy!
The connection goes and Peppa has stopped, I want to cry because I know what’s going to happen next! She starts crying but this time louder …with tears .. I’m trying to console her… people are looking at us !
sshhh! sshh! it’s ok Peppa will come back ( Peppa better Effing come back!)
The connection keeps getting lost so i have to go to plan B… baby here’s some snacks … I’m throwing biccys and wotsits at here like a zoo keeper feeding a wild animal!
Her cry is getting more aggressive, my heart rate has increased and I’m sweating. I look up… we have 12 more stops to go. Ok at least we are half way i think to myself!
She wants to get out the pram… (please no no no. . I did not prepare for this!) I say to her baby we are almost there stay in your pram Ok??.. a bead of sweat drops down the side of my face “shit its hot in here!”
Streams of tears are falling down her face Abuuu Abuuu Abuuu!!! … she’s calling after her dad (babygurl your dad ain’t here so you better pipe down ) !
I let her out of the buggy and put her onto my lap .. the crying has settled but now she wants to run loose on the train. With every stop .. the door opens * please mind the gap*… She makes a b line for the doors , i run after her and carry her back to our seat… She laughs and thinks it’s a game.. the third time she goes…I just think to myself .. Maybe if i let her go this time .. the doors will close and I could wave her goodbye from the train and I’ll be free!…. Then I think about how many hours I was in labour and the pain.. I snap out of it and grab her .
This time shes going into the pram no questions asked. I give her a fierce look but inside I’m crawling and waving the white flag of surrender .
She complies and I buckle her in… I strap her in so tight she looks at me and says mummy? As in mummy why are you trying to stop my blood circulation. I loosen the straps and look up again. 1 more stop to go !!
In that 1 remaining stop i re evaluate my purpose of life . Do i really want more kids?
This is Earls Court ! I run out the train pushing the buggy … a liberating breeze sweeps across my face.. I want to fall onto my knees and scream…. I’m alive!!
I peep into the buggy and shes asleep. Like butter wouldn’t melt.
…. I make a silent promise to myself that I will never do that journey again!!